Lent and Relentless Regret

So it’s Lent.  Missed Ash Wednesday service because weather is horrible, which is not helping me feel like a better Christian.  On the other hand, I’m working on my application to a Christian summer camp.  I’m trying to read a chapter of the Bible, starting at the beginning, every night before I fall asleep, but I keep forgetting.  Trying to pray more, but it’s so easy to forget when there’re all these worldy things demanding my attention.

I’m trying to also actually study for once, never having thought it was necessary (I almost always get excellent grades) and that just takes up more time and adds more stress, especially when I read the same thing three days in a row and still don’t fully comprhend it because I’m not focusing well.  When you grow up as a smart child in a smart family, the idea that you could have trouble is fairly ridiculous. I don’t understand it myself most of the time.  I live a blessed life, with great parents, awesome siblings, a rather obnoxious cat, and the best friends anyone could ask for.  What could possibly be wrong?  Why am I so scared of the people around me?  I’m mentally tearing myself to bits thinking about asking someone to prom, which is really not that big of a deal.

Anyway, my book for today is Winter by Marissa Meyer.  I won’t say too much about it, as it is the last of four books in the Lunar Chronicles, but it’s a stunning conclusion to an incredible series that is far longer than any of us expected it to be.

My song right now is Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance.  ‘It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing’ It a line that’s really speaking to me as I think about the things I do and whether I do them for love or for recognition.  I don’t think I try to get the pride out of it.  I’ve never needed more people telling me I’m special, and sometimes I wish there were less.  Don’t get me wrong, I like the compliments as much as anyone else, but it gets on my nerves when people compliment me – in the midst of a group of people who deserve equal or greater recognition and don’t receive it.

I should really post more often. It just feels really great to put my feelings out here, even if no one reads them ‘they’re no longer inside of me threatening the life they belong to’ (2 AM, Anna Nalick). Thanks and leave a comment to give me courage to ask this guy to prom.

God bless you.

Witch of Endor

The Lent Project

Good morning,

Before I get to anything else, the end of Young Justice absolutely destroyed me. No spoilers, but now I am in mourning and overcome with feels.

Today is the second day (some would call it the third. I count Ash Wednesday as its own thing.) of Lent and I have already failed in my giving-up-for-Lent thing. See I’m not so much giving something up as I am adding something on. My goal is to read a part of the Bible everyday and then post about what it means. I am starting with the book of Esther, as it’s kind of a Lenten tradition for me.

I didn’t read or write yesterday, but I’m starting today. Today I read the first chapter of Esther. I will invite you to read along each day if you wish, but will also have a summary.

This chapter kind of sets the scene for the story of Esther. We don’t see Esther at all actually. It begins with a description of this party that the king is making that lasts 180 days, which is like half the year. Then it goes on about how after this party for the nobles the king hosts a banquet for all the men in the gardens that lasts 7 days and the queen hosts one for the women inside. The demands everyone have as much to drink as they want. You can see where this is headed. On the seventh day, the king is pretty drunk and he orders Queen Vashti be brought to him so he can show her off, basically. She refuses and in the end gets ordered never to see the king again. Then the king sends an order across the land saying that this is how it should be in all houses.

So what does this chapter mean? Honestly I’ve read this first chapter countless times and I still don’t entirely know. I think it’s showing us part of the culture that Esther will be coming into and the consequences she will have when she has to disobey the king (sorry, spoiler alert). But I think it also shows us part of the king’s character. I mean he’s not a very strong king. He lets himself be manipulated by his advisors who tell him that he should send Vashti away and send out this decree and look for a new wife. They make him scared that the women will start standing up and arguing, because god forbid that women be equals (sorry, I couldn’t resist the sarcasm).

Tomorrow I will be reading and talking about Esther 2: 1-18. We get to meet Mordecai.

God Bless,

Esther

Something New

Okay, so I haven’t been very good about posting. I apologize. The truth is that I am human and not perfect. I had so many things I wanted to write but they always came when I was in the middle of church or a test or my laptop was dead. By the time I actually got sat in front of the computer, it was gone, so I didn’t write anything. It’s not an excuse but I think we all can relate.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how half the world can just ignore all the people in need. The refugees, the people on the fringes of society, the people who are hurting, and I think it’s cause we always hear statistics and they don’t really mean anything to us. So I am going to have a story a week. I am going to share the story of a new person every Saturday. It is an open invitation. Anyone who wants to can contribute their story or any story they find. There are a few rules, though.

1. It must be true and it must be about a person.

2. No put-downs or foul language please.

3. If you get it from somewhere else, you must give credit to the person/place it’s from.

4. Please don’t use people’s real names without permission. It’s just respectful. (Obviously if it is  already a published source you don’t need to worry about that last one)

So, the idea is to have fun and create empathy. Together we can make the world a better place. Let’s call it People by People.

I’ll start today with the story of a girl I happen to know. She is the sweetest, kindest girl I’ve ever met, but she’s kind of socially awkward. No one really asks, but you get the feeling that her home life isn’t always real stable. She’s so loving and she’s great with kids. When I say great, I mean she’s a miracle worker with children. But that doesn’t matter to the people at the school she goes to. To them it matters that she talks funny and that she dresses differently. That shouldn’t matter, but once the people around you decide that things that matter, it’s hard to make them unmatter. I talk to her sometimes, but it’s like I can’t get past what everyone else has decided is important about her. One of my friends has taken her under her wing and I;m so proud of them both. Maybe one day I’ll actually break through this and apologize.

God Bless,

Esther