So it’s Lent. Missed Ash Wednesday service because weather is horrible, which is not helping me feel like a better Christian. On the other hand, I’m working on my application to a Christian summer camp. I’m trying to read a chapter of the Bible, starting at the beginning, every night before I fall asleep, but I keep forgetting. Trying to pray more, but it’s so easy to forget when there’re all these worldy things demanding my attention.
I’m trying to also actually study for once, never having thought it was necessary (I almost always get excellent grades) and that just takes up more time and adds more stress, especially when I read the same thing three days in a row and still don’t fully comprhend it because I’m not focusing well. When you grow up as a smart child in a smart family, the idea that you could have trouble is fairly ridiculous. I don’t understand it myself most of the time. I live a blessed life, with great parents, awesome siblings, a rather obnoxious cat, and the best friends anyone could ask for. What could possibly be wrong? Why am I so scared of the people around me? I’m mentally tearing myself to bits thinking about asking someone to prom, which is really not that big of a deal.
Anyway, my book for today is Winter by Marissa Meyer. I won’t say too much about it, as it is the last of four books in the Lunar Chronicles, but it’s a stunning conclusion to an incredible series that is far longer than any of us expected it to be.
My song right now is Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance. ‘It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing’ It a line that’s really speaking to me as I think about the things I do and whether I do them for love or for recognition. I don’t think I try to get the pride out of it. I’ve never needed more people telling me I’m special, and sometimes I wish there were less. Don’t get me wrong, I like the compliments as much as anyone else, but it gets on my nerves when people compliment me – in the midst of a group of people who deserve equal or greater recognition and don’t receive it.
I should really post more often. It just feels really great to put my feelings out here, even if no one reads them ‘they’re no longer inside of me threatening the life they belong to’ (2 AM, Anna Nalick). Thanks and leave a comment to give me courage to ask this guy to prom.
God bless you.
Witch of Endor